Be A Better You: Self-Help

Showing posts with label Self-Help. Show all posts

Genuine Happiness from Within

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Genuine Happiness from Within

Life isn’t the sweetest candy. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is just too heavy, I look around and find people who continued to live fascinating and wonderful lives. And then thoughts come popping into my mind like bubbles from nowhere – “How did their life become so adorably sweet? How come they still can manage to laugh and play around despite a busy stressful life?” Then I pause and observed for awhile… I figured out that maybe, they start to work on a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? Step 1 is to love yourself.

My theology professor once said that “loving means accepting.” To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lie a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

When we discover a small start somewhere from within, that small start will eventually lead to something else, and to something else. But if you keep questioning life lit it has never done you any good, you will never be able to find genuine happiness.

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

How to be genuinely happy in spite all these? I tell you… every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the NFLs. Every time you take a step forward, you make scoring points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each game and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot.”, instead of looking at it all blank and murmur “Geez, I didn’t even hit a score today. I wish I had the guts to try out. We could have won!” and then walk away.

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest 13th month pay, or beating the sales quota. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, the bravest or not even the best. So, how do you become genuinely happy? Every one has his own definition of ‘happiness’. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as much best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success. So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. Its about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling your self “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults. You pass step 1 in the project “how to become genuinely happy”.For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Again, throw me that same question “how to become genuinely happy?”. I’ll refer you to a friend of mine who strongly quoted- “Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Coz then you don’t just become happy… you become free.”

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Article provided by Michael Cobb. Visit Michael's Self Help, Self Improvement, Motivation and Personal Growth website at http://www.be-a-better-you.com/articles or the Self Help, Self Improvement, Motivation and Personal Growth Blog at http://be-a-better-you.blogspot.com for more great articles, tips and resourses.
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How to Save Yourself from Negative Influences

Image via Wikipedia

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

How to Save Yourself from Negative Influences

Watching the news can be hazardous to your health.

It's a fact, especially when you're watching events related
to terrorism, kidnapping, murder, accidents, or calamities.
These incidents make you worry and will leave you feeling weak
and insecure. Imagine the uncomfortable feeling of becoming a
victim someday. This will have a negative effect on your
outlook in life.

Your surroundings have a big impact on you. How can you think
and grow rich if you're bombarded with messages that relates
"how difficult life has become" or "how poor most of us has
turned out to be?"

You can't change your environment, but you certainly can
control your mind. This is where visualization comes into
play. Use your imagination, just as you would when you're
still a little child. Imagine your home as a palace, your
simple meal as fine dining gourmet, and your nearby park as
your favorite vacation spot. Just imagine. Unconsciously,
your thoughts will transform the images into their physical
components.

If the media can indirectly influence you just by reporting
what's happening around, imagine what impact everyday people
have on you. These are the people that you see and meet
everyday. These are also the same people who are expressing
their own views of what is right and what is wrong.

When we grow up in a negative environment, we tend to acquire
the traits and characteristics of people around us.

Many gangsters have been brought up by folks who have either
misguided them or have taught them the wrong things in life.
Through the years, they have instilled within themselves the
vices of people around them.

Here's another case.

Pick a nice person, throw him in a group of bad-mouthed
individuals who incorporates swear words in their everyday
language. Sooner or later, you'll notice that nice person
speaking in the same manner as the group.

This just goes to say that anyone who joins in the company
of a like-minded group will have a big chance of being
influenced by the personality of that group. So what
can you do if you're surrounded by people who deviates
from your way of thinking?

You can't just avoid them. They'll think of you as a snob.
Don't change the way you treat them, but simply learn how
to shield out pessimistic comments or suggestions.

Sometimes, they will dictate you to do what you are against
to do. Be firm with what you believe in. Do not let them
affect your decisions. You know that you can do what they
thought would be impossible. If you have to suffer the
ridicule, so be it. You will have the last laugh anyway.

Moreover, you should be with people who have the same
principles and ideologies as you do. You will be more
encouraged to continue your dreams if you have a support
group or mentor who will prod you to pursue your goals
despite the setbacks.

When I was starting my internet endeavors, no one (and
I mean not even one) of my relatives and friends believed
me. But I did not let their discouragement stop me from
becoming successful.

I remained firm in my quest to make a living online. I
made friends with respected internet marketers who shared
the same vision as mine. They have also experienced the
same treatment from non-believers; but they have proven
that what the mind can conceive, it can achieve. Through
their help, I was able to put aside my doubts and achieve
my goals.

You have the power to make your dreams a reality. Now
show the world what stuff you are made of.

How to Visualize and Affirm Your Deepest Desires

Image via Wikipedia

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

How to Visualize and Affirm Your Deepest Desires

It's been a long time since I played basketball. But I have a passion for it. Everyday I would think that I am making jump shots from every angle of the court. Then I would also imagine that I've won the championship, that I'm also the highest scorer in the game. I would really love to play again, but I'm too busy with my job & other stuffs.

Then the opportunity came when my friends invited me to play. I haven't been practicing, but I'm making more accurate shots than those who have been playing every day.

What made the difference?

Well, that's the power of imagination & visualization. If you want to be a lawyer, visualize as one. Act like one. Think of what suit you’re wearing, the judge you’re convincing, the case you're handling, and the courtroom you’re in. Visualize the evidences. Smell the victory. Make everything real.

You should also affirm. Believe that you are what you are visualizing. So you want to be a lawyer? Tell yourself, "I'm the best lawyer in the world." Don't say to yourself, "I will be the best lawyer in the world."

Affirm strongly. Say "I am," not "I will," because "I will" suggests something that will occur only in the future. You have to experience it NOW, not in the future.

You must sink into your subconscious your deepest desire. The subconscious mind can do what the conscious mind cannot.
Here's an exercise.

1. Get a comfortable & quiet place to rest.

2. Relax your whole body. Command every part of your body to relax starting from your feet up to your head.

3. Count back slowly from 20 to 1, where in each count you relax deeper & deeper. Upon reaching 1, you are completely relaxed.

4. Now affirm your deepest desire. If you want to be a lawyer, say," I am the greatest lawyer in the world." As you're saying that, picture yourself to be the best lawyer ever, winning every case you've come across. You may say "I am now explaining to the jury my winning proposition" or anything that will affirm what you're conceiving in your mind as of the moment.

5. After about 10 to 20 minutes of continuous confirmation and visualization, count slowly from 1 to 20. Upon counting, slowly be aware of your surroundings. Feel refreshed and invigorated after doing this exercise.

6. Repeat this exercise everyday.

What you have just learned is a very powerful technique to greatly enhance the power of visualization & affirmation by imbedding it into the subconscious. What once is nearly impossible to achieve will become easier to reach from now on.

Helpful Tips to Overcome Procrastination

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Helpful Tips to Overcome Procrastination

Many among us, on many instances, have the habit of putting
aside to a later time or day some things that needs to be done
or acted upon like a project, work, job, or duty. For purposes
of discussion, we will confine ourselves to procrastination on
repair works typically at home. It equates to other
circumstances as well.

Procrastination is one habit that is hard to beat. We
procrastinate for various reasons:

1. When we think that the work that needs to be done can
afford to wait or be delayed.

2. When we are busy with something else we think is more
important.

3. When we do not like the work involved or when it is
difficult to do.

4. When we are not sure if the work that needs to be done
will be effective.

5. When the things needed in the work are not yet available
or incomplete.

6. When we forget about it.

And many other reasons like laziness or a combination of the
above.

Hard to beat as it is, we stand to gain more and virtually
loose nothing if we overturn this habit.

Check out these helpful tips:

1. When we think that a work can afford to be delayed, it can
also afford not to be delayed. By having the work done without
further delay, we feel a sigh of relief making the load of work
on our back lesser or lighter, which eventually makes us feel
better.

2. After being busy with something more important and you have
time to spare, this spare time can be used to attend to the
things on the pending list.

3. Delaying work that is difficult makes the work even more
difficult. A leak on the roof may not be harmful if it doesn't
rain; but once it rains, water goes into the house resulting
in wet floors and carpets and eventually, the extent of
damage could be more than can be imagined.

4. When we are not sure if work that needs to be done will be
effective, we must seek advice from people who are more
knowledgeable on this field. Procrastinating won't help.

5. Delayed work due to incomplete materials will remain delayed
unless we fill in the incomplete items. Again, procrastinating
won't help.

6. Make a list of all pending work in the house and post it on
the refrigerator door to constantly remind us about them.

Bottom line is:

We may feel lazy at times and tend to delay some work that
needs our attention. It's understandable that 'starting' to
get a job done is the most difficult part, but once you have
started, half of the job is already done and the second half
will be easy.

Every time you feel like procrastinating, picture yourself as
the job that needs to be done - like a prisoner wherein
justice being delayed results to justice being denied.

How To Criticize And Still Be Nice

Image via Wikipedia

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

How To Criticize And Still Be Nice

Have you ever encountered an experience when someone told you
how fat you've become? Maybe your boss have commented on how
bad your work turned out to be. Maybe you've heard from other
folks how people view you as cold and unapproachable.

Hurts, doesn't it?

Believe it or not, some people can be so tactless that they
are not even aware when they've hurt anyone's feelings. The
receiving parties, especially the sensitive ones, would be
offended by their remarks. This would result in conflicts
and arguments.

You know you're doing them a big favor by saving them from
shame or disappointment, but would they realize your good
intentions instead of feeling hurt by your brutally frank
comments or advices?

They might probably think you're too rude or impolite.
But what can you do if you really need to assert an honest
criticism, but you're afraid of hurting others' feelings?

Want to know the secret?

All you have to do is sandwich your negative comment between
two positive remarks.

For example, your best friend Paul is going on his very first
date. He's all excited and raring to go. Now Paul doesn't
have any fashion sense. He's wearing a bland shirt and old
jeans. You know all along how he hates to admit that he's
wrong. So what will you do to save Paul from an embarassing
first date?

Would you say to him that the outfit he's wearing is
repulsive? That would hurt his ego.

Well, you can first point out the things that you like in his
overall appearance. Comment on his well-groomed hair. Tell
him he looks cool when wearing his sunglasses. Ask him where
he bought his perfume because it can certainly attract women
like bees to honey. Be sincere and honest.

Then, insert in a nice and suave manner your point of view
and advice. You can tell him something like:

"Your shirt seems to be very comfortable to wear, Paul. Since
this is your very first date, I think Sandra (his date) will be
much more impressed if you would wear something like the outfit
that you wore on my birthday. You look smashing when you put
on clothes like that."

Afterwards, make another positive statement. You could say
something like:

"You would definitely make a big impact on Sandra. She would
fall heads over heels over your gorgeous appearance and cheerful
personality. Have a great time on your date, Paul."

Do you think Paul would be offended by such pleasant comments?
Not a chance. You have wittingly inserted a slightly negative
feedback into a plethora of acceptable and ego-boosting
remarks.

People love compliments. They believe they got the qualities.
They want other people to intensify the great abilities that
they believe to possess. People wanted to hear their greatness
purported from someone else's mouth, and they would be very
glad if other individuals would know about it.

So if you want to criticize anybody, remember to praise him
first. It will leave a positive impression that you're a
nice guy. Then say what you have to say, but in a smooth
and non-offensive manner. Finalize with another positive
reinforcement to establish a foundation of goodwill.

How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

Did you know that your past, present, and future can affect directly or indirectly your outlook in life?

THE PAST

Have you ever done something that is so regrettable you couldn't forgive yourself? Have you ever made a mistake that up to the present time you're still blaming yourself? Are you still torturing yourself with the thought that only if you could've done it differently, you're living a much better life right now?

Good news for you! You don't have to keep this burden in your heart
for as long as you live. Release it. Set yourself free.

If you keep bad memories, you're depriving yourself of good mental and emotional health. You're making yourself a prisoner of the past.
This will adversely affect your capacity to act at the present moment.
You will not be able to think clearly and you will lose your focus if you are still lingering in the shadows of your dark past.

No matter what you do, you couldn't reverse or otherwise change history. So let bygones be bygones. Why worry about something you have no control of?

Let go of the past, but keep the LESSONS. Whatever lesson you've learned will be of utmost importance to the fulfillment of your goals in the future. These lessons are your mentors that may sometimes teach you the hard way; but nevertheless, success comes to those who are willing to take the risk and pay the price for their actions.

And what about the successes you had in the past? How did you feel when you've accomplished something exceptional? It feels great isn't it?

Well then, use these past experiences in your present endeavors to encourage you and to motivate you. These memorable experiences will bring a positive aura of enthusiasm and will remind you that you have the power to achieve anything with the right attitude.

Recall these affirmative memories in everything that you do and you will see amazing results in all your undertakings.

THE FUTURE

Now how can the future influence your success if it hasn't occurred yet? The answer is simple.

Your burning passion to attain your ideal life in the future will become the motivating factor that will prod and push you to take the essential steps at the present moment.

Conceive your future in the most vivid and comprehensive way possible.

For instance, if you want to get rich, then take into consideration:
1) How much money you desire to make, when you intend to get them, and your action plan to have that exact amount by your target date
2) The vision of your lifestyle when you've attained the money; like the people you are in contact with, the activities you are engaging in, the food you are eating, the places you are visiting...Well, you get the picture.

These are the guiding forces that will chart the right path to your intended destination. If you envision yourself as having attained them and focus all your efforts regardless of the impending obstacles ahead, then your inner power will release the right kind of energy that will enable you to do nearly anything in pursuit of your desired end.

THE PRESENT

The present moment is the time to ACT. Ready or not, you must do some action now! Mistakes will be made, but you could always revise them.

Put procrastination aside. One delay or excuse will generate a chain reaction of more postponements and alibis that will never end. Before you knew it, open opportunities have already passed you by.

Never let fear get on your way. Some people are struck by the threats of failures, setbacks, or criticisms. What they don't realize is that majority of successful people had to pass through "the eye of the needle" in order to get where they are now.

Act intelligently. Use your past mistakes as guides to avoid future blunders. Let the vision of your ideal life in the future compel you to
carry out your plans and catapult you to reach your deepest desires.

How To Start, Survive, and Finish Your Journey To Super Success

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

How To Start, Survive, and Finish Your Journey To Super Success

"The more you hate, the more you love."

What an ironic statement. Whoever said those words must
have been drunk. The bottom line is this: It is extremely
difficult to like or love something that you despise.

But what can we do to solve this dilemma? What if you're
trapped in an environment that you don't want to be involved
in? What if you're sick and tired of your job that you
feel like puking every time someone mentions your work?

Of course, you take inspired and motivated action to
get out of your present rut and start living the life
you've always dreamed of.

Guess what? It's not going to be easy. You will have to
come out of your comfort zones to discover potentials and
opportunities waiting for you. You have to conquer your
fear and take calculated risks. You have to stay focused
and persevere despite the difficulties you will encounter.

Success doesn't come easy. It takes heart and passion. It
may also take some time before you can actually reap the
fruits of your labor.

But how do you actually survive this stage? This is the
moment when you're working extra hard to reach your goals.
This is also the instance when you're enduring whatever
adversity hits you.

For example, you're employed in a job that you hate. You
know deep inside that you would not like to stay in the
rat race throughout your life. So you decided to engage
in a part-time business or to study night courses. Good
move, my friend.

So far so good. A few days later, time started running
out for you. Your family complains that you've never
spoken a word to them in such a long time. You're
getting crazy over your very hectic schedule. Soon
enough, your attitude changes negatively. You get mad
and frustrated over the tiniest setbacks. You hate the
world for all the misery it has brought upon you.

Stop right now!

That is not the way to go. You are attracting negative
elements into your life. Yes, you have to work harder,
dig deeper, and sacrifice more to attain your ambitions.
But no, you don't have to hate the world and feel bad
about your difficult situation. Remember the Law of
Attraction. If you hate the world, the world hates you
back.

So what do you have to do?

Learn to love your current situation. See all the
positive sides of life. Be enthusiastic. Love your
boss, your coworkers, your family, your friends, and
even strangers that you meet on the streets. It may
not be easy, but nothing is impossible with a strong
will power. Just don't fall in love so much that you
totally forget about your dreams.

Balance is the key. Dream and take some positive
action to move you toward your goals. Take it one
step at a time. But while you're slowly crawling into
the long journey to success, be patient and be as
enthusiastic as possible. Don't hurry up too much that
you totally forget how to enjoy life.

One fine day, you will finally attain what you have
always longed for. But when that day comes, don't
spit back on the face of those who belittled you
before.

Stay humble. Don't look down on others when you see
that you are becoming more successful than they are.
Help them. Inject your positive aura into their
personalities. When you give, you will yield back
equal or greater rewards.

Are you ready to begin the journey? Start it with
the courage and desire to improve your life. Survive
and go through it with persistence, enthusiasm, and
positive thinking. Finish it with a resounding bang
of accomplishment and with the desire to help others
succeed as well.

The Road to Intuition

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

The Road to Intuition

Have you had that experience when all of a sudden you just had this huge hunch that something is about to happen, and to your surprise, that intuition was eventually translated to reality?

When you feel strongly about something without logical basis to it, that's called intuition. It comes in three impressions: clairvoyance or "the third eye", sensing clearly and feeling through listening.

Clairvoyance is when your eye goes beyond what it can see. This is when you know what is happening somewhere.

Sensing clearly is basically what we refer to as "hunch" or "gut feel." This is the time when you are overwhelmed with a feeling and you can't explain it and all you can say is "I just know."

On the other hand, feeling through listening or clairaudience is being able to "listen" between the lines. Intuition also happens at times when a certain sound, whatever it is - be it a car's honk or a bird's twitting - ushers in an intense feeling.

They say only a number of people are gifted with intuition. Astrologers even insist that people born under the Scorpio or Pisces signs are naturally intuitive it almost borders on E.S.P. But studies have been sprouting left and right that proclaim that anyone can develop intuition.

Why the need to develop intuition, you ask? Why not let your emotional and psychological state as it is? First and foremost, intuition promotes good communication. It makes you more sensitive to the people around you; it often keeps you from hurting those you love because you are intuitive enough to understand them. Intuition also makes you far more creative than ever. Intuition means releasing more creative juices for any means of expression. Lastly, intuition has a healing power. This healing power is not in the physical sense, but in delving deep into your soul to eradicate some negative energy buried in it.

With that being said, are you ready to develop your intuition? Here are some ways to unlock this gift:

1. Hypnosis

Oh yes, get yourself hypnotized. Hypnosis is not limited to watching a pendulum move back and forth. Perform self-hypnosis or you can avail of hypnotic programs that can strengthen your intuition.

2. Meditation

Meditating means finding peace in yourself. If your mind and heart are cluttered with too many baggage and hurt, you wouldn't be able to quiet down that part of you that could eventually initiate intuition. There are so many ways to meditate: take a yoga class, or just simply practice some breathing that could bring you straight to Zen.

3. Think positive!

A worry-free, fear-free state could do so much to improve your intuitive ability. By staying positive, you attract good energy that would be able to easily recognize imminent feelings and events.

4. Just let go.

What does this mean? If you are on the brink of making a huge decision, let go of all the inhibitions and head to a quiet place where you could find out where the letting go has brought you. Sometimes you just have to listen to the voice within you, and that voice wouldn't come out unless you let go.

5. Never expect.

After letting go of the inhibitions and all those things that stop you from thinking and feeling clearly, never expect for an answer right away. Never expect that the "hunch" would fall on your lap immediately. Give it a little time then you'd just get surprised that -- wham! -- now you have your answer.

6. Believe in your first impressions.

When you see someone for the first time and think that he is a bit too arrogant for your taste, chances are that impression actually holds true. Most of the time, first impressions are brought by intuition.

7. Stay happy!

See? All you need to be intuitive is to stay happy! Happiness attracts immense power and such power includes intuition. In tapping your intuition, your motivation must be happiness and contentment. Given that premise, intuition will fall to you easily.

Intuition is helpful, because sometimes it leads you to something that cannot be achieved otherwise. A lot of lives have been saved by intuition alone. Decisions are easier done if armed by this gift. Develop intuition now and reap benefits you have never imagined.

Control Your Fear Before It Controls You

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Control Your Fear Before It Controls You

"Fear Factor" is one of my favorite TV shows. It
highlights the courage of the participants to engage in
the most fearsome and disgusting acts.

Most of the contestants are willing to sacrifice their
dignity for the sake of the prize money. So what does
that imply? It implies that with the proper mindset,
determination, and will power, you can conquer your fear.

Everyone has some sort of fear. It may be brought about
by any one or more of the following reasons.

1) by a traumatic past incident (like being bitten by a
dog)
2) by the influence of other people
3) by their own negative way of thinking

But are you going to let fear take over your life? Will
you remain a hostage of your fear forever?

You must take the necessary steps to overcome your fright.
It's all in the mind.

Do you envy other people when you see them enjoying wild
rides, and you're just stuck in a corner because you're
too terrified to give it a try?

My suggestion is to face your fear head-on. Imagine
yourself enjoying the experience instead of exaggerating
the things that make you worry. (Unless of course you
have health problems, then taking wild rides may not be
a good idea).

Do you want to be a doctor but you're afraid that your
intellect can't handle the pressure or you're worried
about financial insecurity?

Well here's the good news. If you're really determined
to achieve your deepest desires, a powerful force will
enable you to reach them amidst every obstacle that comes
in the way. I'm not kidding.

Someone or something will always be there to help you
attain your goals. Just have faith in your abilities.
Your will power have the utmost capacity to accomplish
anything with the proper mindset.

You could use visualization to help you in defeating
any kind of fear.

Are you afraid of heights? Then imagine yourself being on
top of a mountain, overseeing the magnificent sights. Enjoy
and feel the moment. Take away all worries and anxieties.

Then just do it! Face it head on! Go to the top of a
building and savor the great feeling of being able to
face your fear.

This applies to whatever thing that triggers your fear
factor. Just imagine being able to defeat it, then
confront it with the definite belief that you have the
capacity to do everything you want if you just put your
mind to it.

Face the thing you fear the most and you'll never have to
fear anything again in your life.

Building Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Building Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

We may not be aware of it; but the words we utter daily
may have different interpretations, even if you think that
they mean the same thing.

Here's an example.

Would you rather have someone tell you that you are "slim,"
or would you like to hear that you are "thin?" Being slim
has a slightly positive effect because it is attributed to
health and fitness.

Rather than saying you have failed, just mention that you
have not yet achieved success. Get the picture? Always
try to speak words in the most positive manner you can
think of.

Here's another important advice.

Never compare the negative qualities of one person with
another.

A former boss of mine has this to say to me when I made
an error in my previous day job, "James (not real name) is
doing a much better job than you are. He's not committing
any mistake like you do."

That crushed my heart. My boss thought this would motivate
me to do better. Nope, it just hurt my feelings and lowered
my self-esteem. Of course, I would never make the same
mistake again after her harsh scolding. I've learned my
lesson well. But she could have said it nicely.

Experiences arising from discouragement and condemnation
will have a negative effect on the recipient.

Some parents might believe that instilling fear on their
children would improve their performance. They would
say, "You're always failing. Why can't you be like your
brother? You're such a disgrace to this family."

Now that's not the proper way to do it. They should inspire,
encourage, and motivate their children; not belittle them
even further.

They should tell their children that they have the capacity
to achieve great things, if they would only put a little more
effort. Teach them values that would make them feel important
and loved.

You may even go as far as giving them qualities that they
do not yet possess. By giving them confidence and by making
them believe that they have such characteristics, they will
eventually acquire such traits. Tell them how bright you
think they are, and you will soon be surprised at the
results. They will significantly improve if you firmly made
them believe that they have the capacity to do so.

So if you ever wanted to persuade or encourage someone to do
better, make sure that he or she is motivated out of
inspiration, and not out of fear. Give advice that cares,
and not offensive words borne out of hatred or anger.

Think first before you speak. Many relationships have been
ruined by the wrong choice of words. Some people voice out
anything that comes to their mind, without first filtering
the good words from the bad ones. This might result in
misunderstandings and arguments, which could have easily
been prevented if we speak out in a way that is neutral
and non-offensive.

Words are very powerful indeed. Use them responsibly for
the benefit of all.

Build Your Self Esteem: a Starter Guide to Self Improvement

Cover of Build Your Self-Esteem

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Build Your Self Esteem: a Starter Guide to Self Improvement

So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.

Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which dart pins should you avoid?

Dart Pin #1 : Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the time you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.

Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.

Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.

Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.

Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.

Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. God wouldn’t come down from heaven and tell you – “George, you may now have the permission to build self esteem and improve your self.”

In life, its hard to stay tough specially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. Along the battle, we will get hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within. Voluntarily. Armor or Self Change changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.

Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.

Bad Luck ... Or Blessing In Disguise?

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Bad Luck ... Or Blessing In Disguise?

There was a woman who was in such a hurry to go to the airport.
She told the cab driver to step on it. She was so engrossed
with her own thoughts that she was not aware they were going
on a different route.

Suddenly, a man went inside the cab and took her handbag where
she placed her visa, passport, and all her money for the trip.

The driver, who was in cahoots with the robber, left her in the
middle of that dark street. She cursed the world for being so
mean to her, and she kept on thinking how unlucky she was to
be in that situation.

That very same night, she heard a shocking news. Tears flowed
down her face. Flight 230 has crashed! It was the plane where
she was supposed to board into. If she have not lost her
precious belongings, she could have lost something far more
important - her life!

Sometimes bad things really happen. We lost our money, failed
our exams, or get rejected by others. There are times when
nothing seems to go our way.

So what do we do about it? Are we going to be disappointed?
The answer is a resounding "No!" We must take all these
frustrations out of our chest and start all over again with
the consistent faith that we will get what we deserved.

So what if you failed the exams? Maybe you'd be more
successful and much happier in another field. You were
rejected by your boyfriend/ girlfriend? There are plenty
of others out there who are much better and who are much more
deserving of your love and affection.

Don't waste your time and energy on things that can't be
changed. Continuous worrying will only affect your health
on the long run, and you'd be doing much more damage than
what was previously done.

Set yourself free. Move onwards with the conviction of a
winner.

What if we turn the tables around? What if you never ran
out of good luck?

There was this man who won the lottery. He thought he was the
luckiest person in the world. He became greedy and wasted
all his money on everything he could get his hands on.

One day, he made it on the front page of the newspaper again.
But this time, it was a different story. He was killed
because of his riches.

If you attain good luck, never be too secure about it either.
Pray for protection and guidance. Life is so unpredictable.
You just won't know what will happen next.

Live one day at a time. Sometimes we subject ourselves to
unnecessary mental and emotional torture. We ask ourselves,
"What if I don't get this done in time?" or "What if my
family leaves me and I've got no one else to turn to?"

Work at the present moment. Do what must be done at present
and the future will turn out just fine. Believe me. And
believe in yourself. As Captain Planet always says: "The
power is yours!"

A Better You: 7 Steps to Self-Improvement

Image via Wikipedia

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

A Better You: 7 Steps to Self-Improvement

I seem to lost count on how many times I've read and heard of celebrity marriages failing almost left and right. Not that I care (and personally I don't), it seems strange that we often see movie and TV stars as flawless people, living the fairytale life of riches and glamour. I suppose we all have to stop sticking our heads in the clouds and face reality.

There are many ways to lose your sense of self-esteem despite of how trivial it could get. But whatever happens, we should all try not to lose our own sense of self.

So what does it take to be a cut above the rest? Here are some of the things you can think and improve on that should be enough for a week.

1. Know your purpose
Are you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

This may seem tricky at first when you see yourself to be in a tight or even dead end. But there's always that little loophole to turn things around and you can make a big difference to yourself.

2. Know your values
What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2005 - check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn't align with any of your top five values - you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

The number shouldn't discourage you, instead it should motivate you to do more than you can ever dreamed of.

3. Know your needs
Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? There are so many people who lived their lives without realizing their dreams and most of them end up being stressed or even depressed for that matter. List your top four needs and get them met before it's too late!

4. Know your passions
You know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life. Obstacles like doubt and lack of enthusiasm will only hinder you, but will not derail your chance to become the person you ought to be. Express yourself and honor the people who has inspired you to become the very person you wanted to be.

5. Live from the inside out
Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind. For most of us city slickers it's hard to even find the peace and quiet we want even in our own home. In my case I often just sit in a dimly lit room and play some classical music. There's sound, yes, but music does soothe the savage beast.

6. Honor your strengths
What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others.

7. Serve others
When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit - your essence. The rewards for sharing your gift with those close to you is indeed rewarding, much more if it were to be the eyes of a stranger who can appreciate what you have done to them.

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth it. It shouldn't always be within the confines of an office building, or maybe in the four corners of your own room. The difference lies within ourselves and how much we want to change for the better.

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People

WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage
yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do.

NUMBER 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.

Yup. They see problems in every opportunity.

They complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain
for ruining their plans for the day. They blame the wind
for ruining their hair.

They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems
but never the solutions.

Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of
tragedy. They regard failures as catastrophes. They become
discouraged easily instead of learning from their mistakes.

They never seem to move forward because they're always afraid
to come out of their comfort zones.

NUMBER 2 - They Act Before They Think.

They move based on instinct or impulse. If they see something
they like, they buy at once without any second thought.

Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not
able to take advantage of the bargain.

Then they spend & spend again until nothing's left. They
don't think about the future. What they're after is the
pleasure they will experience at present.

They don't think about the consequences. Those who engage
in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in
this group.

NUMBER 3 - They Talk Much More Than They Listen

They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage
in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of
lying.

Oftentimes they are not aware that what they're saying is not
sensible anymore.

When other people advise them, they close their ears because
they're too proud to admit their mistakes.

In their mind they're always correct. They reject suggestions
because that will make them feel inferior.

NUMBER 4 - They Give Up Easily

Successful people treat failures as stepping stones to success.

Incompetent ones call it quits upon recognizing the first signs
of failure.

At first, they may be excited to start an endeavor. But then
they lose interest fairly quickly, especially when they
encounter errors.

Then they go & search for a new one. Same story & same results.
Incompetent people don't have the persistence to go on and
fulfill their dreams.

NUMBER 5 - They Try to Bring Others Down To Their Level

Incompetent people envy other successful individuals. Instead
of working hard to be like them, these incompetent ones spread
rumors and try every dirty trick to bring them down.

They could've asked these successful ones nicely. But no, they're
too proud. They don't want to ask advise. Moreover, they're
too negative to accomplish anything.

NUMBER 6 - They Waste Their Time

They don't know what to do next. They may just be contented on
eating, getting drunk, watching TV, or worse, staring at the
blank wall with no thoughts whatsoever to improve their lives.

It's perfectly fine to enjoy once in a while. But time should be
managed efficiently in order to succeed. There should be a
proper balance between work & pleasure.

NUMBER 7 - They Take the Easy Way Out

If there are two roads to choose from, incompetent people would
choose the wider road with less rewards than the narrower road
with much better rewards at the end.

They don't want any suffering or hardship. They want a good life.

What these people don't know is that what you reap is what you
sow. Efforts & action will not go unnoticed.

If only they would be willing to sacrifice a little, they would
be much better off.

Successful people made it through trials & error. They never
give up. They are willing to do everything necessary to achieve
what they aspire for in life.

5 Great Techniques to Realize Your Goals

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

5 Great Techniques to Realize Your Goals

Goals keep us motivated. But sometimes, people find it too hard to achieve their goals. Maybe because they have set long-term goals before setting short-term ones, or they did not plan their goals carefully.

Goal-setting strategies are important especially for those who want to achieve long-term goals. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.

1. Start with short-term goals that will lead you to long-term ones. Sometimes, people start with short-term goals unconsciously. Why unconsciously? Some of them may have considered the goals to be long-term at the time they planned them; and after achieving a goal, they realize that they are in fact, looking forward to a longer one. Some are contented with their short-term goals, but after a while will realize that they also need to attain long-term ones. Short-term goals seem to be our set off for longer ones. They will motivate the person to plan for longer goals, which will usually take some time before achieving them in full.

2. Make sure you really want the goal. By this, you have to ask yourself: "Do I really want this goal? Will this goal give me a better life?" Answering these questions will give you more passion to achieve your goal. Some people recall their past to find out why and how they came up with such goal.

3. Speak up. By this, it means you shouldn't keep your goals to yourself only. Sharing your goals could help you get the support you may need from others. Some people are too shy to tell others about their goals for reasons like they are afraid they cannot achieve these in the end, or they lack the courage to speak up their minds. This is not a good habit because when the time comes that you really need their support, you will have a difficult time to get such support. You will then have to achieve your goals all by yourself. Also, sharing the fruits of your goals is uplifting to the mind and spirit.

4. Write down your goals. This strategy is more advisable for those who have a long list of goals. After writing them, it is advisable to review them because this will encourage you to achieve them.

5. Stay on track and don't give up. Reviewing notes will help open your mind to see if you are on the right track. While on track, you may have to face challenges that might change your personality. A person who is overconfident might suddenly feel depressed after finding out that he is going the wrong way in achieving his goal. Thus this might lead to abandoning the goal. Never be discouraged. Facing obstacles is a test on how passionate one is to realize his goal.

4 Powerful Ways To Fire Up Your Motivation

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

4 Powerful Ways To Fire Up Your Motivation

It's so difficult to go on when everything seems to fail, isn't
it? Are there times in your life when you really want to call
it "quits" because you just can't see any good results from all
the hard work you've done?

Hold your horses!

Never ever think of giving up. Winners never quit and quitters
never win. Take all negative words out of your mental dictionary
and focus on the solutions with utmost conviction and patience.
The battle is never lost until you've abandon your vision.

But what if you're really exhausted physically, mentally, and
most of all emotionally? Here are some sources of motivation
to prompt you in reaching the peak of accomplishment.

1) The Overwhelming Feeling of Attaining your Desired End

How would you feel after accomplishing your mission? Of course
you will feel ecstatic. You might be shedding tears of joy. Let
this tremendous feeling sink in and encourage you to persist
despite all odds.

When I was studying for the Board Exams, I used this technique
to motivate me. I would envision the sweetness of folks calling
me a CPA. It would command respect. People will look up to
me as a higher level of authority. And I would have better
chances of finding a good job. I absorbed all these great
perceptions into my inner being in order to achieve my ultimate
goal.

2) The Reward System

How would you feel if you've entered a contest, but there are no
prizes for the winners? It's not very encouraging, isn't it?

The same principles apply to your vision. Reward yourself after
accomplishing a goal. Set a particular incentive for every
objective.

Let's say if you've achieved a particular task, you'll treat
yourself to your favorite restaurant. When you've finished
a bigger task, you'll go on a vacation.

Got the idea?

Just set something gratifying to indulge in after completing
a certain undertaking.

3) The Powerful Force of Humanity

If you want to succeed, surround yourself with the right
kind of people who will support and encourage you all the
way.

Be with people who have the same beliefs and aspirations as
yours. Positive aura is generated by this fusion of
collective energy from people of "like minds."

On the contrary, being with people who oppose your ways of
thinking may trigger a negative, yet very powerful, kind of
motivation.

Has anyone ever said to you that "You'll never get anywhere"
or "You're wasting your time with what you're doing?"

Didn't it made you furious and determined enough to prove to
them how wrong they were? This is what I'm talking about.

When aggravated, you will do anything to make those who are
against you swallow their words. But of course, your main
focus should be on the accomplishment of your goal and not
for the purpose of revenge. Never let your emotions toward
others alter your main objective.

4) Take Care Of Your Health

Exercise regularly. Fill your brains with enough oxygen to
allow you to do your daily tasks with more vigor and energy.

Take regular breaks if time allows. Having the will power
to continue despite all hardships is extremely important, but
you should still know your limits.

If you don't take enough rest, you will not be able to think
clearly and you will not be able to do your tasks properly.
In the process, you will just get more frustrated.

Take sufficient sleep and recharge yourself after a hard day's
work. Never, ever ignore your health. I've learned my lesson
when I sacrificed my health for the sake of success. I've
worked very long hours everyday and just got minimal sleep.
As a result, I became ill.

It's not worth it. Success won't matter if you don't have
good health to enjoy it.

Fire up your motivation and live life to the fullest!

4 Amazing Tips To Successfully Persuade Anyone

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

4 Amazing Tips To Successfully Persuade Anyone

Having excellent persuasion skills is one of the most important
abilities to possess in today's fast-paced world. We need the
support and cooperation of other people to help us in reaching
our goals. The saying "No man is an island" is an undeniable
truth.

Here are some hot tips to effectively influence and persuade
anyone you desire.

1) Enter their world.

You must understand the situation according to their point of
view. Set aside your personal interests and concentrate on
them.

Just pretend that if you are them, what would you do? What
would be your opinion? Then take the appropriate action that
would be beneficial to them.

Copy them. Observe how they act, how they speak, and how
they think. If they rub their forehead while they think,
act like them. If they speak at a clear and slow pace, try
to do the same thing. This is called mirroring.

In due time, the people you're mirroring will subconsciously
feel more comfortable with you. It's as if they see
themselves in you.

However, you must proceed with caution. Do not let them be
aware that you are copying them. They might interpret it as
mockery and you'll just get into trouble.

2) Be Friendly and Nice.

Smile to brighten up the day. Make a sincere compliment to
raise their spirits. Little things like these count a lot.

Make them feel that whenever they need help or just someone
to look up to, you'll always be there to lend a hand. They
would tend to be more receptive to people that they trust.

If you want to ask your boss a favor, do everything you can
to please him. Overdeliver and exceed his expectations.
Soon, he will notice your efforts and will be more than
glad to grant your request.

3) Provide them with compelling evidence.

Explain to them how your ideas or suggestions could be the
most effective techniques to implement. Show them undeniable
proof that you have the best product by way of testimonials,
before and after scenarios, and detailed comparisons against
your competitors. Just make sure that all your claims are
true and verifiable. Always maintain a good reputation.

4) Meet their existing needs and desires.

People are self-centered. They are initially concerned with
their own well-being before others. If you can prove that
your proposal will provide more advantageous benefits to them
than to your own, then they will probably accept it.

If you could focus more on their interests, desires, needs,
and expectations, then you would satisfy their cravings for
attention. Moreover, it would show that you really care
about them. Mutual trust and respect would be established.

This is the most important thing to remember when persuading
anyone. No matter how close you are to becoming like them or
how overwhelming your evidence is, if it does not satisfy the
"What's In It For Me?" test, your persuasion efforts will not
produce satisfactory results. Always bear in mind how they
will benefit from your actions.

Be A Better You

Categories

Genuine Happiness from Within

How to Save Yourself from Negative Influences

How to Visualize and Affirm Your Deepest Desires

Helpful Tips to Overcome Procrastination

How To Criticize And Still Be Nice

How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

How To Start, Survive, and Finish Your Journey To Super Success

The Road to Intuition

Control Your Fear Before It Controls You

Building Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

Build Your Self Esteem: a Starter Guide to Self Improvement

Bad Luck ... Or Blessing In Disguise?

A Better You: 7 Steps to Self-Improvement

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People

5 Great Techniques to Realize Your Goals

4 Powerful Ways To Fire Up Your Motivation

4 Amazing Tips To Successfully Persuade Anyone

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