Be A Better You: Goal

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How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

Did you know that your past, present, and future can affect directly or indirectly your outlook in life?

THE PAST

Have you ever done something that is so regrettable you couldn't forgive yourself? Have you ever made a mistake that up to the present time you're still blaming yourself? Are you still torturing yourself with the thought that only if you could've done it differently, you're living a much better life right now?

Good news for you! You don't have to keep this burden in your heart
for as long as you live. Release it. Set yourself free.

If you keep bad memories, you're depriving yourself of good mental and emotional health. You're making yourself a prisoner of the past.
This will adversely affect your capacity to act at the present moment.
You will not be able to think clearly and you will lose your focus if you are still lingering in the shadows of your dark past.

No matter what you do, you couldn't reverse or otherwise change history. So let bygones be bygones. Why worry about something you have no control of?

Let go of the past, but keep the LESSONS. Whatever lesson you've learned will be of utmost importance to the fulfillment of your goals in the future. These lessons are your mentors that may sometimes teach you the hard way; but nevertheless, success comes to those who are willing to take the risk and pay the price for their actions.

And what about the successes you had in the past? How did you feel when you've accomplished something exceptional? It feels great isn't it?

Well then, use these past experiences in your present endeavors to encourage you and to motivate you. These memorable experiences will bring a positive aura of enthusiasm and will remind you that you have the power to achieve anything with the right attitude.

Recall these affirmative memories in everything that you do and you will see amazing results in all your undertakings.

THE FUTURE

Now how can the future influence your success if it hasn't occurred yet? The answer is simple.

Your burning passion to attain your ideal life in the future will become the motivating factor that will prod and push you to take the essential steps at the present moment.

Conceive your future in the most vivid and comprehensive way possible.

For instance, if you want to get rich, then take into consideration:
1) How much money you desire to make, when you intend to get them, and your action plan to have that exact amount by your target date
2) The vision of your lifestyle when you've attained the money; like the people you are in contact with, the activities you are engaging in, the food you are eating, the places you are visiting...Well, you get the picture.

These are the guiding forces that will chart the right path to your intended destination. If you envision yourself as having attained them and focus all your efforts regardless of the impending obstacles ahead, then your inner power will release the right kind of energy that will enable you to do nearly anything in pursuit of your desired end.

THE PRESENT

The present moment is the time to ACT. Ready or not, you must do some action now! Mistakes will be made, but you could always revise them.

Put procrastination aside. One delay or excuse will generate a chain reaction of more postponements and alibis that will never end. Before you knew it, open opportunities have already passed you by.

Never let fear get on your way. Some people are struck by the threats of failures, setbacks, or criticisms. What they don't realize is that majority of successful people had to pass through "the eye of the needle" in order to get where they are now.

Act intelligently. Use your past mistakes as guides to avoid future blunders. Let the vision of your ideal life in the future compel you to
carry out your plans and catapult you to reach your deepest desires.

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Article provided by Michael Cobb. Visit Michael's Self Help, Self Improvement, Motivation and Personal Growth website at http://www.be-a-better-you.com/articles or the Self Help, Self Improvement, Motivation and Personal Growth Blog at http://be-a-better-you.blogspot.com for more great articles, tips and resourses.
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Coaching - an Easy Way To Make Things Happen

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Coaching - an Easy Way To Make Things Happen

When you hear the word “coach”, what comes first into your mind? Do you picture a basketball team with a man/woman shouting out directions? Or perhaps a football team with a man/woman pacing to and fro and calling out the names of the players?

Coaching is no longer reserved to sports teams; it is now one of the key concepts in leadership and management. Why is coaching popular?

Coaching levels the playing field.

Coaching is one of the six emotional leadership styles proposed by Daniel Goleman. Moreover, it is a behavior or role that leaders enforce in the context of situational leadership. As a leadership style, coaching is used when the members of a group or team are competent and motivated, but do not have an idea of the long-term goals of an organization. This involves two levels of coaching: team and individual. Team coaching makes members work together. In a group of individuals, not everyone may have nor share the same level of competence and commitment to a goal. A group may be a mix of highly competent and moderately competent members with varying levels of commitment. These differences can cause friction among the members. The coaching leader helps the members level their expectations. Also, the coaching leader manages differing perspectives so that the common goal succeeds over personal goals and interests. In a big organization, leaders need to align the staffs’ personal values and goals with that of the organization so that long-term directions can be pursued.

Coaching builds up confidence and competence.

Individual coaching is an example of situational leadership at work. It aims to mentor one-on-one building up the confidence of members by affirming good performance during regular feedbacks; and increase competence by helping the member assess his/her strengths and weaknesses towards career planning and professional development. Depending on the individual’s level of competence and commitment, a leader may exercise more coaching behavior for the less-experienced members. Usually, this happens in the case of new staffs. The direct supervisor gives more defined tasks and holds regular feedbacks for the new staff, and gradually lessens the amount of coaching, directing, and supporting roles to favor delegating as competence and confidence increase.

Coaching promotes individual and team excellence.

Excellence is a product of habitual good practice. The regularity of meetings and constructive feedback is important in establishing habits. Members catch the habit of constantly assessing themselves for their strengths and areas for improvement that they themselves perceive what knowledge, skills, and attitudes they need to acquire to attain team goals. In the process, they attain individually excellence as well. An example is in the case of a musical orchestra: each member plays a different instrument. In order to achieve harmony of music from the different instrument, members will polish their part in the piece, aside from practicing as an ensemble. Consequently, they improve individually as an instrument player.

Coaching develops high commitment to common goals.

A coaching leader balances the attainment of immediate targets with long-term goals towards the vision of an organization. As mentioned earlier, with the alignment of personal goals with organizational or team goals, personal interests are kept in check. By constantly communicating the vision through formal and informal conversations, the members are inspired and motivated. Setting short-term team goals aligned with organizational goals; and making an action plan to attain these goals can help sustain the increased motivation and commitment to common goals of the members.

Coaching produces valuable leaders.

Leadership by example is important in coaching. A coaching leader loses credibility when he/she cannot practice what he/she preaches. This means that a coaching leader should be well organized, highly competent is his/her field, communicates openly and encourages feedback, and has a clear idea of the organization’s vision-mission-goals. By vicarious and purposive learning, members catch the same good practices and attitudes from the coaching leader, turning them into coaching leaders themselves. If a member experiences good coaching, he/she is most likely to do the same things when entrusted with formal leadership roles.

Some words of caution though: coaching is just one of the styles of leadership. It can be done in combination with the other five emotional leadership styles depending on the profile of the emerging team. Moreover, coaching as a leadership style requires that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally fit most of the time since it involves two levels of coaching: individual and team. Your members expect you to be the last one to give up or bail out in any situation especially during times of crises. A coaching leader must be conscious that coaching entails investing time on each individual, and on the whole team. Moreover, that the responsibilities are greater since while you are coaching members, you are also developing future coaches as well.

4 Powerful Ways To Fire Up Your Motivation

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

4 Powerful Ways To Fire Up Your Motivation

It's so difficult to go on when everything seems to fail, isn't
it? Are there times in your life when you really want to call
it "quits" because you just can't see any good results from all
the hard work you've done?

Hold your horses!

Never ever think of giving up. Winners never quit and quitters
never win. Take all negative words out of your mental dictionary
and focus on the solutions with utmost conviction and patience.
The battle is never lost until you've abandon your vision.

But what if you're really exhausted physically, mentally, and
most of all emotionally? Here are some sources of motivation
to prompt you in reaching the peak of accomplishment.

1) The Overwhelming Feeling of Attaining your Desired End

How would you feel after accomplishing your mission? Of course
you will feel ecstatic. You might be shedding tears of joy. Let
this tremendous feeling sink in and encourage you to persist
despite all odds.

When I was studying for the Board Exams, I used this technique
to motivate me. I would envision the sweetness of folks calling
me a CPA. It would command respect. People will look up to
me as a higher level of authority. And I would have better
chances of finding a good job. I absorbed all these great
perceptions into my inner being in order to achieve my ultimate
goal.

2) The Reward System

How would you feel if you've entered a contest, but there are no
prizes for the winners? It's not very encouraging, isn't it?

The same principles apply to your vision. Reward yourself after
accomplishing a goal. Set a particular incentive for every
objective.

Let's say if you've achieved a particular task, you'll treat
yourself to your favorite restaurant. When you've finished
a bigger task, you'll go on a vacation.

Got the idea?

Just set something gratifying to indulge in after completing
a certain undertaking.

3) The Powerful Force of Humanity

If you want to succeed, surround yourself with the right
kind of people who will support and encourage you all the
way.

Be with people who have the same beliefs and aspirations as
yours. Positive aura is generated by this fusion of
collective energy from people of "like minds."

On the contrary, being with people who oppose your ways of
thinking may trigger a negative, yet very powerful, kind of
motivation.

Has anyone ever said to you that "You'll never get anywhere"
or "You're wasting your time with what you're doing?"

Didn't it made you furious and determined enough to prove to
them how wrong they were? This is what I'm talking about.

When aggravated, you will do anything to make those who are
against you swallow their words. But of course, your main
focus should be on the accomplishment of your goal and not
for the purpose of revenge. Never let your emotions toward
others alter your main objective.

4) Take Care Of Your Health

Exercise regularly. Fill your brains with enough oxygen to
allow you to do your daily tasks with more vigor and energy.

Take regular breaks if time allows. Having the will power
to continue despite all hardships is extremely important, but
you should still know your limits.

If you don't take enough rest, you will not be able to think
clearly and you will not be able to do your tasks properly.
In the process, you will just get more frustrated.

Take sufficient sleep and recharge yourself after a hard day's
work. Never, ever ignore your health. I've learned my lesson
when I sacrificed my health for the sake of success. I've
worked very long hours everyday and just got minimal sleep.
As a result, I became ill.

It's not worth it. Success won't matter if you don't have
good health to enjoy it.

Fire up your motivation and live life to the fullest!

Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems?

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems?

People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments
and fights. It's that situation when one thinks
he has the right concept while the other one also
believes he has the proper notion. Both of them
would try to outsmart each other until one claims
victory.

Here's an actual example.

My spouse would sometimes buy me signature
clothing. When my Mom founds out how much it costs,
she would advise us to budget our money and just buy
the affordable ones.

A problem occurs when my spouse thinks that her effort
to give me the best was unappreciated. Mom, on
the other hand, would think that my spouse is such
a spender.

There's a conflict with their beliefs. No two
people are exactly alike. We are totally unique;
not only physically, but mentally and emotionally
as well.

There will be many times when your opinion will not
correspond with that of another. So how can people
prevent this kind of conflict from occurring?

Communication is the key to overcome doubts and
misunderstandings.

You should let other people know what's in your mind.
Don't keep them guessing.

There was a story about two couples who were filing
a divorce. After the lawyer have spoken to them
both, he found out that the root cause of all their
problems was due to miscommunication.

Here's one of the couple's problems.

The man filing the divorce said that he just hated
the breakfast meal that his wife often prepared for
him. On the other hand, the wife said that she's
only preparing the meal because she thought it was
her husband's favorite. But she never liked cooking
it because it's very difficult to prepare.

See? If only one of them took the initiative to
speak out what's in his or her mind, then that
particular dilemma would be over.

Now why would people prefer to keep their complaints
and criticisms to themselves? What's holding them
back?

It's because they do not want to be rejected. Most,
people, if not all, would like to be accepted and to
be perceived as likeable in the eyes of others.

So can you get your message across without hurting
their feelings?

Substitute negative statements with positive ones.

Instead of saying "You don't understand," say "Let
me explain." Instead of remarking "You're wrong,"
say "Permit me to clarify." Instead of stating
"You failed to say," just mention "Perhaps this was
not stated."

There are certain words that affect a person more
negatively in comparison with other words that have
the same meaning.

Nothing could be more pleasing to the ear than
hearing someone else say that you are right. In
this case, be prepared to let other people know that
you respect their opinions. You may add your comments
at the end, but acknowledge them first.

Say:
You're right, although ...
Great suggestion, however ...
I agree with your opinion, however ...
I would feel the same way if I were you, although ...
I understand your situation, however ...

Reassure your counterparts that the decision made will
benefit both parties. People need to feel that they
have made the right choice.

Communication is a gift. Use it wisely for everyone's
advantage.

Relationship Building Essentials

Image via Wikipedia

By Michael Cobb
http://www.be-a-better-you.com

Relationship Building Essentials

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties' feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party's needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party's feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say 'No man is an Island'.

Be A Better You

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How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

Coaching - an Easy Way To Make Things Happen

4 Powerful Ways To Fire Up Your Motivation

Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems?

Relationship Building Essentials

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